Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
