This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Randomize
