Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
