i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
