My brain says no but my pants say off.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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