if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
