The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Randomize
