Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
