I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
