Heybabeimwearingurpanties
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
