I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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