community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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