I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
