Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
