his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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