Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
