He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize