The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
