She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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