now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Drake has all the answers
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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