Quick, to the slutcave!
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
