It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
