and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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