I'm going to jail i love you
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Randomize
