Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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