you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
