I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
