my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
