Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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