I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
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