i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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