we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
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Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
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Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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