She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
