He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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