Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
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I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
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You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
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