i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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