im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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