If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
