Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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