are you still at the devil's house?
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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