Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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