Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize