if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
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She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
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Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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