A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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