Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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