im about as happy as oj after his trial
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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