yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
