im six kinds of drunk right now
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
