I didn't shave. On purpose
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
