my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I need to sanitize my soul.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
