Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Randomize
