As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
