I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
