I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
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I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
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Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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