yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
