THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
