I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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