im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
