Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
