OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
