Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
