Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
